Communities

Writing
Writing
Codidact Meta
Codidact Meta
The Great Outdoors
The Great Outdoors
Photography & Video
Photography & Video
Scientific Speculation
Scientific Speculation
Cooking
Cooking
Electrical Engineering
Electrical Engineering
Judaism
Judaism
Languages & Linguistics
Languages & Linguistics
Software Development
Software Development
Mathematics
Mathematics
Christianity
Christianity
Code Golf
Code Golf
Music
Music
Physics
Physics
Linux Systems
Linux Systems
Power Users
Power Users
Tabletop RPGs
Tabletop RPGs
Community Proposals
Community Proposals
tag:snake search within a tag
answers:0 unanswered questions
user:xxxx search by author id
score:0.5 posts with 0.5+ score
"snake oil" exact phrase
votes:4 posts with 4+ votes
created:<1w created < 1 week ago
post_type:xxxx type of post
Search help
Notifications
Mark all as read See all your notifications »
Q&A

Avoiding "and" as a sentence structure

+0
−0

I have a horrific habit I'm finding it very difficult to break. A disturbingly large portion of my sentences consist of the same structure-- two parts separated by "and." I don't know how to break the habit. Please help.

Example:

After awhile our words subsided, and I commented on a picture of his dog which hung on the wall over the television. This immediately invoked considerable excitement in him, and he asked me if I would like to see better. I uncertainly answered Yes, and he rose from the couch and headed for a doorway to the left.

History
Why does this post require moderator attention?
You might want to add some details to your flag.
Why should this post be closed?

This post was sourced from https://writers.stackexchange.com/q/5284. It is licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0.

0 comment threads

2 answers

You are accessing this answer with a direct link, so it's being shown above all other answers regardless of its score. You can return to the normal view.

+0
−0

You have six sentences' worth of text in three conjoined sentences. Not all of the pairings are necessary and some might not be "correct"; for example, you could just as easily conjoin the question and the answer, which are currently part of two different sentences.

One way to attack this problem is to break it into the six sentences and then ask yourself which ones really go together. Join only those ones.

Another way to break it up is to not always use "and" for your conjunction. You can also use semicolons to tie sentence clauses together, and you can use words like "then" to connect independent sentences.

Finally, you can mix up your structure more (see example below).

Putting all these ideas together, here is one possible revision of your text:

After a while our words subsided. I commented on a picture of his dog which hung on the wall over the television, and he grew excited and asked if I would like to see better. Uncertainly I answered yes. Then he rose from the couch and headed for a doorway to the left.

History
Why does this post require moderator attention?
You might want to add some details to your flag.

0 comment threads

+1
−0

In addition to Monica's great suggestions for structure once you've located the problem, you need to develop a way to find all the problem sentences.

Either at the beginning or end of every writing session, search through your new text and look for and. Look at every pair of clauses you've joined and highlight them. Then go back and start rebuilding them, not using the same fix twice in a row if you can help it.

Whether you do this at the beginning when you're fresh (and you want to get back into the story, and can look at your work with a little distance) or at the end when you've run out of steam (so you feel like you've put it to bed for the night) is entirely dependent on your personal workflow.

History
Why does this post require moderator attention?
You might want to add some details to your flag.

0 comment threads

Sign up to answer this question »