How much repetition is too much repetition?
This is a question that'd been bothering me for a while. Here's an example:
My heart racing, I wriggled to the edge of the bed and fumbled for Travis' hand. Just make sure to hold onto it, he'd said, whenever you get the chance. I searched for a few minutes until I finally found it—smooth and warm, sprawled on the cold surface of the floor. I gave it a light squeeze, but there was no response. Maybe he was asleep after all. Or just pretending to be? The easiest way to find out was to get up and ask him. Yes, that was what I had to do.
But, I didn't.
Funny, I had no problems with the idea of killing myself. But when it came to love, I was a complete coward.
Every time I see repetition like this, I remove it:
My heart racing, I wriggled to the edge of the bed and fumbled for Travis' hand. Just make sure to hold onto it, he'd said, whenever you get the chance. I searched for a few minutes until I finally found it—smooth and warm, sprawled on the cold surface of the floor. I gave it a light squeeze, but there was no response. Maybe he was asleep after all. Or just pretending to be? The easiest way to find out was to get up and ask him. Yes, that was what I had to do.
However, I didn't.
Funny, I had no problems with the idea of killing myself. Yet when it came to love, I was a complete coward.
Am I improving my writing with this? Or just being unnecessarily paranoid?
This post was sourced from https://writers.stackexchange.com/q/16009. It is licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0.
2 answers
It's good that you're aware of it - repetition in your own writing can be difficult to notice.
You can get away with repetition as a character trait, but if they're the narrator it's risky. In the example you've posted, there's too much repetition of 'but' in the first, but the second sounds forced.
I agree that you could replace the 'But I didn't' with - 'I didn't'. It's much more curt and has more of an effect on the reader.
In regards to the other two, 'but' works. 'Yet' almost works but sounds a little forced, as if you noticed that you used 'but' too much and needed to change it. The rule I've always gone by is that if I've used the same word more than once in the same paragraph (certain words like 'I' and 'and' not included), I replace it. Your other two instances aren't that close, are in separate paragraphs, and are how someone would speak it.
You could also try reading the section aloud either to yourself or someone you trust - it can help to hear how things sound, especially when it comes to dialogue/first person POV.
This post was sourced from https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/16031. It is licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0.
0 comment threads
I think it's generally a good idea to be on the lookout for words you use too much, and swap in something else. You should look for repetitive sentence structure and repetitive phrasing as well.
My only suggestion for your example is for the second iteration, I would drop the word altogether, and just write "I didn't." It's more powerful that way.
0 comment threads
0 comment threads