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Omitting pronouns and possessive adjectives in fiction

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When is OK to omitting pronouns and possessive adjectives in fiction? Examples:

She called me that weekend while I was cleaning my apartment.

She called me that weekend while cleaning my apartment.


Once on my bed, I took the box and opened it.

Once on bed, I took the box and opened it.


He explained to me that a friend of his.

He explained that a friend.

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This post was sourced from https://writers.stackexchange.com/q/16156. It is licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0.

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I think in all three examples you're starting to impede comprehension, and change the meaning of the sentence.

  • Example 1 sounds like the caller is cleaning the apartment of the narrator, because the subject hasn't changed from the beginning of the sentence.
  • Example 3 leaves the friend in question: whose friend is he talking about?
  • In Example 2 you have to have an article of some kind — if not my then the, at the very least.
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