Handling a small detail the POV character would not notice
I have a scene in which two characters, Boy and Girl, meet for the first time. Girl is the POV character in this section.
They are about to have lunch, when Girl is called away on an emergency. She mutters that she's sorry, asks if they could meet later, and dashes off leaving Boy standing there.
As currently written, the scene ends
Boy said to nobody in particular, half astounded and half amused, "Uh, yeah. I would love to."
I feel showing Boy's response completes the scene well. However, the POV character does not actually witness this response (which is intentional... I want to show him standing there alone).
Short of making Boy the POV character (which I don't want to do), is there a good way to handle this?
Is this a case where it's OK to violate the POV rules?
Should I leave that last part out?
This post was sourced from https://writers.stackexchange.com/q/20084. It is licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0.
2 answers
The trick here is to bend the rules without breaking them. Including something that the PoV character doesn't know about is technically 'breaking the rules.' But when writing, you have to remember that reader experience trumps all. As long as it doesn't jar the flow, you can get away with something small.
For this example, I would simply say what Boy says, and then just say Girl didn't hear it. You could argue that you switched PoV for one line, but if you switch straight back to the girl, and if you remain outside of the boy (that is, don't go into his thoughts or anything), you'll be fine.
Girl dashed off. Boy said to nobody in particular, half astounded and half amused, "Uh, yeah. I would love to." But Girl, running towards her car, was too far away to hear.
To me at least, that doesn't jar the flow of writing in the least.
EDIT: I should add that this is written assuming your tale is in the third person. If you are writing in the first person, things like this are a lot more jarring to the reader, simply because you are so immersed in the first person character, and therefore notice it faster when PoV switches.
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Cut it. No question. It doesn't belong and it's neatness won't satisfy the reader anywhere near as much as it appears to satisfy you. Ask yourself what's so great about that line that makes it worth damaging the integrity of the story?
Merciless editing is a required skill for an author. No matter if you're absolutely in love with that line, no matter if it's the funniest thing anybody ever wrote, you know perfectly well it doesn't make any sense. Cut it, and write a better conclusion from the proper PoV. You can do it. Select that paragraph now, delete it, and save your document. You'll see it a bit more clearly after that and a better line will be along soon.
The various suggestions to help you keep it are smart, and correct, or at the very least, nice, but really they're just telling you things you want to hear. That's not how good editing works. Be strong, select it, and press delete.
This post was sourced from https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/20100. It is licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0.
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