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Q&A

Phrasing to balance immense speed with boredom

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Through much of my novel the protagonist spends considerable time cruising over various landscapes at speeds exceeding 500 km/h. To you or me this is significant but to the character, it's "just a job."

The obvious phrases like "he sped" or "they raced" are going to get old quick in this context. I want the reader to experience the thrill of flying across the land at thrilling speeds, without betraying the routineness of it for the pilot. For example, "Focusing on the muffled whistle of air screaming across the hull outside, he watched hypnotic streaks of greenery flowed endlessly below the craft and allowed his mind to sink into a sort of lazy trance."

But I'm struggling to keep each "update" fresh, or to avoid irritating repetition. Thoughts?

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This post was sourced from https://writers.stackexchange.com/q/40206. It is licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0.

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2 answers

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I'm not sure that can be done, especially if the MC is bored with it. It isn't a good idea to try and thrill the reader with the same thing again and again and again anyway!

So do it once, and then gloss over it.

In my story, one character is an extraordinary marksman. He takes this for granted, but nobody that sees him in action for their first time ever takes it for granted. Their praise, astonishment, or laughter pleases him, it reminds him he is special, and there is nothing else particularly remarkable about him (by my design).

So I have, in the story, devised several reasons (including one early on) for him to exercise his talent in front of strangers, and amaze them. One in particular that sees this several times stops having any reaction. The marksman notices that, but he doesn't mention it: Because he gets it, he knows that after awhile, his friend would be more surprised if he missed!

The amazing things we experience will become routine and "just the way things are," after a few exposures. This goes for readers too, you can thrill them once with astonishing speed, but that's it. After that, they get it: The ship is crazy fast.

So pour all your attention into the first description. Make it long and milk the first-time. If nothing changes about the speed, it is boring to describe it in detail the second time. You can change something, add a fight or counter-attack, add a malfunction, hit a damn goose at 500 kmh.

This is why fights and battles can be evergreen, we can make each one different with different enemies, positions, stakes, and defenses.

But what you are talking about is static and unchanging, so the description just seems repetitive, and that gets boring quick.

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When bored, the mind often just wanders in thoughts of its own. The repetitive scene can be a moment for the character to express his/her thoughts, or for the author to introduce flashbacks. You can use the boredom as an excuse to digress away from current events.

Examples:

Character thoughts: "... And there went again the endless plains of Void. MC yawned wondering whether the seeming repetition of the barren landscape was but a mockery of her whole life: eventful.[...] The plains again, void like their cursed name. MC couldn't even feel annoyed by their sight. It was something that had to be done, for the sake of it. Like living. Like completing {quest of story}."

Flashbacks: "The ship whizzed once again across the plains of Void. MC hands operated mechanically across the dashboard, while her memory brought her back images of Place. It had been a joyful childhood in Place, with parents and friends. [...] Again the images of Place raced in her mind, just as static as the landscape of Void accompanied her in her routine journey. Place, so distant, yet so dear to her... "

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