Level of detail in description of character checking the news

I'm writing a short story about a girl who has apparently 'missed' an earthquake. This is the beginning of the second scene (here is the first):

Erin was sitting on her bed, working on a new song. Becoming an artist wasn't something she had in mind; writing songs was just a way of putting her thoughts in order. But tonight, she couldn't concentrate. Every chord she played sounded wrong, and every rhyme she wrote was flat and meaningless. She put down her guitar and stared vacantly at the ceiling. How long I have been living under this roof? she wondered. It had been almost four years since she had moved back from Taipei. Then, as if something had just popped up into her head, she grabbed the remote control from the table, turned on the TV, and switched to the news. 4 killed, 8 injured in chain highway crash. Drunk man hit a 63-year-old woman on the sidewalk. She died on the spot. Erin switched to another news station. 8 police officers investigated for corruption, 4 praised for performance. Unemployment rate rises to 4% in May. Rain possible over the weekend. She scratched her ear, turned off the TV, and stared again at the ceiling. No news about any earthquake, she said to herself. She stood up and walked to her bookshelf. Then, as if she were looking for a secret passage, she examined the books carefully. They were stacked perfectly side by side, like piano keys. It seemed like they hadn't moved a single inch since the last time she'd checked them. She wondered if Ruth had told the thing about the earthquake as a joke. Or maybe she lied to me, she thought. But no matter how she looked at it, there wasn't any reason for Ruth to do so.

Erin left out a sign. "Why I'm thinking so much about this? "

She walked back to her bed, grabbed her phone, and dialed Benjamin's number. He answered after a few seconds.

"Did you see my missed calls?" Erin asked.

This is the first time I write a scene where a character is checking the news. I would like to know if I'm including too many details or useless information. Is there something I should add?

posted almost 12 years ago

CC BY-SA 3.0

Alexandro Chen‭

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