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How can I have a character introduce themselves as humble without making them seem arrogant?

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Two people are dating, and one of them wants to tell the other they are humble, which they genuinely are. But I don't want it to seem like they're bragging or showing off about it.

In normal conversation, this might work out depending on the tone of voice. How can I show this through writing?

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6 answers

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A humble person tones down his/hers achievements. You can show this in your writing by painting a sharp contrast between what that person does and how he/she tells about it.

In the tipical dating situation, this could come out in a number of ways...

Alice: "So, what do you do for a living?"

Bob: "Ah, nothing much. Office work."

But you're already estabilished previously that Bob is a brillant manager of a company he helped create, if not the CEO. Better still, his modesty can be called out by other characters. As dolphin_of_france states in his answer, a character is humble when other characters say so.

Alice: "So, that's about how my work day is as a pediatric surgeon. What do you do for a living?"

Bob: "Ah, nothing much."

Alice: "Which means ...?"

Bob: "I'm a manager at BigTechCorp. It's a sweet spot, but over all it's just office work, day in, day out."

Alice: "Wait, isn't BigTechCorp that famous technology multinational? You must be pretty good to work in there."

Bob: "Uh, I guess so. I mean, it's nothing compared to what you do. I don't save lives!" chuckled Bob.

A last example, this time drawn in from experience. It was evening and I was walking with my girlfriend of the time, just going back home on foot. We walk near a roundabout when we see a foodcourier, driving a scooter, slipping on the wet road. The guy looses control of the scooter and falls down. My first instinct was to jump on the roundabout, blocking traffic with my hands, to check if he was ok (luckily he was going slow, so he wasn't injured).

Later on my then girlfriend complimented on my bravery. I shrugged it off. "I just did what felt natural" I said.

Humble people, in theory, have a similar way of shrugging their good deeds.

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Humility is the best when shown, not told.

Design a scenario when your character has something that any normal person would brag about, only that he/she is never bragging. It is the best if the other character (and the reader) is not entirely in the dark and would have some tidbit of knowledge about this secret. Then, the hidden fact needs to be accidentally revealed to the other character. The first character would need to do some explanations while looking a little embarrassed.

For example:

"You told me you liked to play soccer in college, but you never told me you auditioned for Manchester City!" - "Umm, well, I didn't pass the audition, so..."

"I know that you love to play guitar, but I never knew that you played with Prince!" - "Yes... but I thought you didn't like him?"

"You told me that you folks live near Beverly Hills, but I never guessed how big is their house! Tell me, is everything Ok between you and them? Why they let you drive your old Civic?" - "Sorry, I decided a while ago that I need to earn everything myself. And tell me, is my old Civic bothering you so much?"

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This post was sourced from https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/48784. It is licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0.

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Humble people don't know that they are humble. Anyone who burns to say that they are humble, isn't. See Uriah Heep: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uriah_Heep.

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I just wouldn't say "humble."

Find a situation in which they have done something that is obviously humble, like they risked their life to save a child, but somebody else took credit and they did not argue the point.

Find a conversation, in dating, in which the date asks a question that triggers the story.

Have your character tell the story. The date reacts,

"You were the hero there! Why did you let the cop claim to be the hero?"

"I risked my life to save her life. I cannot demand admiration in return, that makes it a transaction, and cheapens it. I know what happened, what else matters? I would do it again knowing the outcome."

Of course you can come up with your own similar idea, but indirect is the way to go. Claiming to be something admirable is just not humble! You have to find a way to show the character is humble, so the other person (and the reader) realize that on their own. Then they can say your character is humble.

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A humble person doesn't not come out and say, "I am humble"

It is like being a successful person.

When you are only good at something, you tell everyone how great you are. When you are actually great, everyone tells everyone else how good you are.

If you are humble, you would never advertise it.

In fact, if you are humble, you would never really know you are humble.. because being humble is just a part of who you are.

And you can't rush showing humility, in life, or in fiction.

It is a quality that takes a long time to reveal.

PS. A person who I can see coming out and telling the world how humble he is, is our current President. "Let me tell you, no one is more humble than me. I am tremendously humble. Just tremendously humble.. I don't like to say it. But believe me, I am more humble than anyone."

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I would say that the humble person should down play a thing they should be proud of, only to be admonished after the down play.

The animated film "Superman: Doomsday (2008)" has a great example... only there is one hitch. Lois Lane is visiting Superman in the Fortress of Solitude on a date and Superman notices her mind is elsewhere. Lois explains that one of her co-workers just left for a war correspondence in Afganistan and she's worried she may never see her again. Superman shows humility by explaining he doesn't consider himself a hero because he's bullet proof. To him, a real hero will put himself at risk for others, something Superman isn't capable of doing. Of course the hitch in showing this as being Superman's humility is that the co-worker in question is Clark Kent (its clear early on that this Lois Lane isn't stupid and she figured out Clark Kent was Superman on her own, but respects him enough to let him tell her rather than confront it. The worry over Clark Kent was trying to provide an opening... and it's implied that Superman knows that Lois knows, or at least, might know, and is still feeling out the situation, hence the dodge... he's relying on Superman having an deserved reputation for humility that he wouldn't talk up himself, even if it's him under a secret identity... and if Lois knew he was, she'd call foul on him.). But either way, it still fits as Superman does actually see his heroics as just being a decent human being (well, you know... not literally) and his work is no different than a tall guy helping a little old lady get an item on the top shelf in a supermarket. It's not heroic, it's being nice. Heroes go above and beyond the call (Superman gets a chance to meet this definition in the film. Twice.).

A more straight version comes up from time to time in the Doctor Who series, notably in the second story line of the 11th doctor, where twice an assembly of allies comes to his aide in a desperate hour. In one episode, the closest thing he has to a girlfriend has to point out that the Doctor is a good man (despite him not viewing himself in that way) and that many alien languages have used the word "doctor" after their encounters with him and more often than not, it means something akin to "a healer and wise man) (generally the title denotes one of the two in English). In the season finale, the theme is continued when the Doctor is at his most desperate hour, and facing impossible odds, for a sudden cavlery to arrive to support him and turn the tide of the conflict. When the Doctor is confused why, the girlfriend tells him to look at the night sky and then reminds him that many of the stars he's looking at would not be there were it not for his work and then she admonishes him for not even considering the true size of people in the universe who would gladly leap at the opportunity to return the favor (and many of them would consider this as not even paying interest on the debt of gratitude owed to the doctor).

It helps that at this stage of the story, the Doctor had a lot of humility heaped on him (though he didn't need the humiliation, he was humbled long before that point) and needed someone to point out that he is a good man with heart to spare (literally and figuratively... the show's lore states that the Doctor's race has two hearts, though most of them are jerks). Like Superman, the Doctor considers himself ordinary... though just clever... and just happens to be passing though on his time machine and being helpful when needed.

In both examples, the person ascribes humility to the character after they describe their extraordinary feats and accomplishments as not worthy of the praise and admiration everyone gives him. Both firmly believe that most people would do the same thing in their shoes. They just don't have the ability to fly or travel through time.

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