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Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/10877
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

There is nothing wrong with writing like that in first draft. Get events in order, write down attributes, reasons, settings, in a way that is comfortable for _you_. Have all the essentials in an easily accessible order.

Then perform major editing.

First, **show, don't tell.** Look at every single attribute you list and think how you could replace it with a segment of text that shows it. In many cases it would be forced, so skip these, but in a lot of cases instead of just telling the reader something is this-and-this, have someone ask a question about it, have it perform a role in the plot, imply it through effects, change an attribute to an actor.

> He had short braids in his beard, with bow of red ribbon on the tips"

vs

> "A small stream of beer ran down his beard and dripped from one of his short braids. As he guffawed, droplets of the liquid scattered from the bow of red ribbon tied at the braid's end."

**Cut**. Delay exposure of things that are not essential now. Mix order - events, descriptions, dialogues, no clear separation 'here I introduce the setting, here - characters, and here I have them interacting' but put it in one flow, mixing these. Chop into finer pieces and mix together.

Next, **Camera work**. When writing descriptions, think in terms of moving camera (or eye focus), and instead of just setting the camera on a tripod and dumping the static image it has within view frame, pan it, zoom in, zoom out, turn around, wander, make a double-take at something that at first seemed normal, but appeared out of place. Currently, you imagine a scene and describe it point by point, in some specific order. Instead, just think how to move the camera around, zoom in on important aspects, or opposite, zoom out from a detail into vista, for large image. Your list is an excellent help in getting what is to be shown, but transform it into a story.

Always think in **three layers**.

1. Actual, physical events, 'the real world', 
2. cold logic of the characters - expectations, plans, intentions, knowledge, awareness, 
3. emotions: desires, fears, hang-ups, motives, reasons.

Every moment of action is a result of these three, and always have them in mind. You can always remix them - emotions showing up as facial expressions, cold logic coming as determination or just displayed in smart actions, observations of real world reflected through emotions - but keep all three in the flow. If you spend a whole page only displaying real events and never peeking into the thoughts and emotions of your characters, your writing gets dry. If you spend half a page on dwelling just on internal thoughts of a character, your readers start yawning. Mix these up.

**Continuity**. While 'cut' was on microscale, mixing most immediate elements, also break continuity on macroscale. Start later into the story and bring the beginning through reminiscences. Disassociate the reader from the place - observe the story through TV news, tell it by grandpa's mouth, have a character brag about past endeavors. Change scenes, skip through time, don't just list events in original order but keep parts a mystery to be revealed later, or even just guessed by the reader.

**Pacing**. Some events require deep detail, time grinding almost to a halt, others span a long time and require a fast-forward view. Similarly to camera works though, change of pacing should be smooth. Events follow at certain pace, and you must use smooth transitions if the pace changes (outside of chapter/section breaks). Speed up or slow down gradually, see [this answer](https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/9297/rhythm-in-the-following-passage/9298#9298) for an example, and [this question](https://writers.stackexchange.com/questions/5477/how-do-i-cleanly-show-the-passage-of-time-with-multiple-varying-time-scales/12649#12649) for a more detailed analysis. There is a wide range of paces - Genesis in the Bible has whole generations pass within single paragraphs, meanwhile Tom Clancy has a sizable chapter in his _Sum of All Fears_, that spans under a microsecond of real time. Still, unless you break a scene or a chapter, if you do speed up or slow down the pace, do this gradually.

Original score: 10