When does repetition start becoming tedious (especially metaphors)?

I always find myself using CTRL + F to remove the words/phrases I think I'm repeating too much (most of the time they are metaphors).

In the following passage, however, I'm not very sure whether the repetition is apparent:

Despite my efforts to resist, I couldn't help catching a glimpse of her side boob. It poked out from her tank top like a half sun. Needless to say, it gave me a massive erection, which I tried to hid by lying on my stomach and pretending I was looking for a good angle to blow on the fire. I hated that. It was as if my entire life had consisted on hiding hard-ons.

Finally, a log caught fire, followed by the rest. It was very sudden. And in no time Paola and I had a display of dancing flames before us. Their warmth entered every pore of my skin.

"You're pretty good." Paola looked genuinely impressed.

"I used to do it a lot," I explained, "when I was a kid."

"I see. I think it's nice—having a skill."

"Building a fire isn't a very useful one."

"It's still nice, though." Paola gazed thoughtfully at the flames, as though trying to find a hidden meaning in their glow. "A skill that has nothing to do with money. I think it's more simple, more pure. And you do it just because you enjoy it. Sometimes we forget to do things just for the sheer pleasure of it."

Maybe I'm overdoing this "repetition deletion" thing? (I use a lot of metaphors. So there are a lot of "like" and "as if/as though" in my writing. I picked this up from the Japanese authors I read, like Haruki Murakami and Yukio Mishima.)

posted over 10 years ago

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Alexandro Chen‭

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