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The transition seems fairly smooth to me, probably because the action doesn't feel like action: It feels like the continuation of the musings in the earlier paragraphs. Maybe this is because we'r...
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#3: Attribution notice added
by
System
·
2019-12-08T03:42:04Z (about 5 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/12695 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision
The transition seems fairly smooth to me, probably because the action doesn't feel like action: It feels like the continuation of the musings in the earlier paragraphs. Maybe this is because we're not seeing the setup, but I think the entire excerpt feels rushed. This is someone who's thinking through reasons why life just doesn't make sense, but I'm not buying any of it: It seems detached, almost philosophical. I think that easing us into this more gradually and giving the reader some anchor points - something like motivations or action touchpoints - would help.
#1: Imported from external source
by
System
·
2014-08-24T04:45:37Z (over 10 years ago)
Original score: 1