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Monica is on the right track, but I'd push it more. If he's howling the name of his murdered wife in his grief, he's not aware of anything outside that grief. I would actually not show the husban...
Answer
#4: Attribution notice removed
by
System
·
2019-12-13T12:00:24Z (almost 5 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/12754 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#3: Attribution notice added
by
System
·
2019-12-08T03:43:09Z (almost 5 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/12754 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision
Monica is on the right track, but I'd push it more. If he's howling the name of his murdered wife in his grief, he's not aware of _anything_ outside that grief. I would actually _not_ show the husband being aware of the changes while they're happening. Maybe, possibly, flashes of light (which cast different shadows on her face), or he feels his ears pop, or the floor tilts — basically, alterations in the physical world which he can't overlook because they are interacting with him. But the "muffled traffic" is something you notice when you're reading, not when your heart has been shattered. However, there could be other people in the room who _do_ notice the changes, and once the wife wakes up, the other characters could start wondering aloud if the changes in atmosphere were related to her resurrection. Or the husband distantly realizing "my ears popped" is the other characters saying "the entire building just levitated two hundred feet and then dropped" or something.
#1: Imported from external source
by
System
·
2014-08-31T12:30:16Z (about 10 years ago)
Original score: 7