Post History

Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/q/12780
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

The following is from a story I'm writing:

> "Goodbye Choco," my mother said, to end the prayer, “may your soul rest in peace,” and crossed herself.
> 
> “Sorry I couldn’t come earlier,” I said. “I’ve been busy.”
> 
> “That’s alright, sweetheart. You selected more courses this year?”
> 
> “Actually joined a club.”
> 
> “Oh, that’s great. You’ve never joined a club before, right? What’s its name?”
> 
> “Animal Self-Destruction Observation Group.”
> 
> “That’s good. A club that’s not from your department. A completely different experience.”
> 
> “Yeah, I like variety.” Luckily my mother wasn’t ‘attentive’ enough to catch the meaning of complicated names.
> 
> “Is it fun?” Mom asked. “What do you do there?”
> 
> “Well, I don’t know yet—but I’ll find out tomorrow.”
> 
> "Please take care in the camping. Did you pack your clothes, sun blocker, your Hello Kitty doll?"
> 
> "Mom, I'm nineteen."
> 
> "You're right, honey. Sorry. Sometimes I forget you’ve grown up."
> 
> "I've noticed that."
> 
> “I know sometimes you think I worry too much. But all parents are like that. All we want is for our children to grow healthy and happy. Especially happy. I hope you understand that.”
> 
> I nodded. _To grow happy_. I wondered how Mom would have felt if she’d known I almost committed suicide. How she would have felt if she’d learned I’d been unhappy most of my adult life. The thought stabbed right into my heart. But, well, that was a thing of the past—an ancient tomb buried under layers and layers of sand. At least for the time being.

So the MC and her mother are in the backyard performing a burial for their dog. I feel the mother talks too much like a 'mother' from time to time. I can change it. The problem is that what she says is essential to the plot/theme (suicide).

Is there any way I can work this around?

Original score: 2