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Oh, you are doing well here. Very well. You are breaking a rule about cliche dialogues exactly where it should be broken. You are writing a meaningless, dull prattle that lulls the reader into sli...
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#3: Attribution notice added
by
System
·
2019-12-08T03:43:52Z (almost 5 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/12795 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision
by
SF.
·
2019-12-08T03:43:52Z (almost 5 years ago)
Oh, you are doing well here. Very well. You are breaking a rule about cliche dialogues exactly where it should be broken. You are writing a meaningless, dull prattle that lulls the reader into slightly bored indifference and then you drop the bomb of “Animal Self-Destruction Observation Group” which makes me go "What?!" - and then you drop another - “That’s good.”, the mother completely missing it, suddenly adding a lot of depth to the story, by showing how shallow and ignorant a person she is. And from that point on what was so far dull and boring, despite not changing the tone the least bit, looks sinister and gritting. This is exactly a very well executed trick of lulling the reader into boredom only to shock them out of it. Well done and don't change it!
#1: Imported from external source
by
System
·
2014-09-06T10:42:07Z (about 10 years ago)
Original score: 2