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I think you'd do better moving the mention of hair to the second sentence: She had green eyes. Her hair curled like ferns clustered in a mountain forest. Or one sentence: She had green ey...
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#3: Attribution notice added
by
System
·
2019-12-08T03:45:41Z (about 5 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/12873 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision
by
Robert Grant
·
2019-12-08T03:45:41Z (about 5 years ago)
I think you'd do better moving the mention of hair to the second sentence: > She had green eyes. Her hair curled like ferns clustered in a mountain forest. Or one sentence: > She had green eyes and her hair curled like ferns clustered in a mountain forest. Having said that, I'm not really able to picture ferns as hair, but that might just be me.
#1: Imported from external source
by
System
·
2014-09-13T18:05:36Z (over 10 years ago)
Original score: 2