Post History

Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/12999
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

These two examples make the scene more specific in a particular way: By adding modifiers. In these cases: By adding adverbial phrases.

Your temptation to add the modifiers is telling you something. **Some word elsewhere in your sentences _may_ be too abstract.**

Your concern about adding words is telling you something. **Some words elsewhere in your sentences _may_ be too abstract.**

**My recommendation.** When you are puzzling about whether to add a modifier, look at the other words. One or more of them is probably abstract enough that they don't paint a vivid picture. See if you can find stronger words.

For example:

> Cath pressed her hand to her nose.

"Covered" was unnecessarily abstract. "Pressed her hand" is more vivid.

Often you can remove a word that is not carrying its weight:

> Half-crouching, I went over to the railing and pointed my flashlight at the ground.

"Down" added little to the sentence. Drop it.

**Caveats.** I'm not recommending, as some advisors do, that you eliminate all modifiers. Modifiers have all sorts of wonderful uses, such as expressing the POV character's attitude or improving rhythm and lyricality.

But if the _only_ function that a modifier serves is to supply details to make the scene vivid, see if you can find another way to accomplish that.

Sometimes a modifier is the only way I can think of to supply the necessary details. So I modify, shrug, and move on.

Original score: 4