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It's "whereas." It's a formal and slightly clunky word. Plus you're using the exact same sentence structure twice in a row, but only twice. Once is fine, and three times is an effect, but two looks...
Answer
#4: Attribution notice removed
by
System
·
2019-12-13T12:00:25Z (almost 5 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/14105 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#3: Attribution notice added
by
System
·
2019-12-08T03:48:30Z (almost 5 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/14105 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision
It's "whereas." It's a formal and slightly clunky word. Plus you're using the exact same sentence structure twice in a row, but _only_ twice. Once is fine, and three times is an effect, but two looks like a mistake. > Kate’s problem had been physical, but mine had been psychological. She had been motivated by an excess of sensations. My problem was a lack of them. **ETA** Off Paul's excellent comment, here's a better version: > Kate’s problem had been physical, but mine had been psychological. She suffered from an excess of sensations. I lacked them altogether.
#1: Imported from external source
by
System
·
2014-10-14T10:22:07Z (about 10 years ago)
Original score: 3