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There's nothing wrong with the sentence. It's a little flowery, but if that's your style, as long as the reader understands what you intend, it's fine. Your friends may have different tastes in pro...
Answer
#4: Attribution notice removed
by
System
·
2019-12-13T12:00:26Z (almost 5 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/14453 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#3: Attribution notice added
by
System
·
2019-12-08T03:52:59Z (almost 5 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/14453 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision
There's nothing wrong with the sentence. It's a little flowery, but if that's your style, as long as the reader understands what you intend, it's fine. Your friends may have different tastes in prose and prefer short, crisp descriptions instead. Nothing wrong with that either.
#1: Imported from external source
by
System
·
2014-11-19T11:07:16Z (about 10 years ago)
Original score: 0