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Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/q/14492
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/q/14492
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

In a lot of detective or mystery novels, the detective is the POV character and the protagonist, but the initial hook has little to do with him. Some crime has been committed, and the detective is brought in to investigate. Though he may develop high stakes in the case as the story proceeds, he doesn't have any major connection to the case at its start.

In the book itself, I don't see any problem with Interesting Detective A investigating Interesting Case B, even if there's no immediate connection. But how should I write a query about this type of book? Whichever one I start with, moving on to the other feels like an unrelated jump:

> Kirk Klondike is a seashore detective; he claims the seashells whisper their secrets right in his ear. _MEANWHILE_, a nefarious serial killer is leaving a steady flow of bodies bobbing among the waves, each strung up and stung to death by jellyfish.

-- the two are bound to collide, but that "_MEANWHILE_" really bothers me. It just screams out to me that I've changed the subject within the first few lines. I have the same problem with other re-phrasings I've come up with, like `Little does he know he's about to encounter...` or `Until he happens to come across...`.

Is this expected? Is this considered "par for the course"? Or is there some more elegant way to structure queries like this, so that they can flow naturally from a single starting point?

Original score: 4