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Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/q/16009
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

This is a question that'd been bothering me for a while. Here's an example:

> My heart racing, I wriggled to the edge of the bed and fumbled for Travis' hand. _Just make sure to hold onto it_, he'd said, _whenever you get the chance_. I searched for a few minutes until I finally found it—smooth and warm, sprawled on the cold surface of the floor. I gave it a light squeeze, **but** there was no response. Maybe he was asleep after all. Or just pretending to be? The easiest way to find out was to get up and ask him. Yes, that was what I had to do.
> 
> **But** , I didn't.
> 
> Funny, I had no problems with the idea of killing myself. **But** when it came to love, I was a complete coward.

Every time I see repetition like this, I remove it:

> My heart racing, I wriggled to the edge of the bed and fumbled for Travis' hand. _Just make sure to hold onto it_, he'd said, _whenever you get the chance_. I searched for a few minutes until I finally found it—smooth and warm, sprawled on the cold surface of the floor. I gave it a light squeeze, **but** there was no response. Maybe he was asleep after all. Or just pretending to be? The easiest way to find out was to get up and ask him. Yes, that was what I had to do.
> 
> **However** , I didn't.
> 
> Funny, I had no problems with the idea of killing myself. **Yet** when it came to love, I was a complete coward.

Am I improving my writing with this? Or just being unnecessarily paranoid?

Original score: 2