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It's good that you're aware of it - repetition in your own writing can be difficult to notice. You can get away with repetition as a character trait, but if they're the narrator it's risky. In th...
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#3: Attribution notice added
by
System
·
2019-12-08T04:00:02Z (about 5 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/16031 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision
by
Kristina Adams
·
2019-12-08T04:00:02Z (about 5 years ago)
It's good that you're aware of it - repetition in your own writing can be difficult to notice. You can get away with repetition as a character trait, but if they're the narrator it's risky. In the example you've posted, there's too much repetition of 'but' in the first, but the second sounds forced. I agree that you could replace the 'But I didn't' with - 'I didn't'. It's much more curt and has more of an effect on the reader. In regards to the other two, 'but' works. 'Yet' _almost_ works but sounds a little forced, as if you noticed that you used 'but' too much and needed to change it. The rule I've always gone by is that if I've used the same word more than once in the same paragraph (certain words like 'I' and 'and' not included), I replace it. Your other two instances aren't that close, are in separate paragraphs, and are how someone would speak it. You could also try reading the section aloud either to yourself or someone you trust - it can help to hear how things sound, especially when it comes to dialogue/first person POV.
#1: Imported from external source
by
System
·
2015-01-27T19:53:18Z (almost 10 years ago)
Original score: 2