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Besides my comment above about referencing the wrong item, in a more general sense, you can make a metaphor clearer by working backwards from your end result. If your end is "silence is golden," w...
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#4: Attribution notice removed
by
System
·
2019-12-13T12:00:28Z (over 4 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/16277 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#3: Attribution notice added
by
System
·
2019-12-08T04:03:38Z (over 4 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/16277 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision
Besides my comment above about referencing the wrong item, in a more general sense, you can make a metaphor clearer by working backwards from your end result. If your end is "silence is golden," which is the important idea you want to reference, consider what part of a person makes sound. It's not really the _lips_, but the _mouth_. (I wouldn't use "golden voice" because that already means "having a beautiful voice.") Possibly you could use "tongue," which also means _language._ Pushing it further, why stay with "golden"? Maybe use _gilded_ or _gilt,_, and then you can pun on _guilt_ depending on why the "you" is silent. So your lyric could be something like (you'll have to work out your own meter): > a mouth of gilt > > a mouth, gilt > > your gilded mouth > > your mouth full of gold > > your tongue covered in gilt/guilt
#1: Imported from external source
by
System
·
2015-02-19T22:12:22Z (about 9 years ago)
Original score: 1