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Q&A How do you make a vague metaphor more easy to understand?

Besides my comment above about referencing the wrong item, in a more general sense, you can make a metaphor clearer by working backwards from your end result. If your end is "silence is golden," w...

posted 10y ago by Lauren Ipsum‭  ·  last activity 5y ago by System‭

Answer
#4: Attribution notice removed by user avatar System‭ · 2019-12-13T12:00:28Z (almost 5 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/16277
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#3: Attribution notice added by user avatar System‭ · 2019-12-08T04:03:38Z (almost 5 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/16277
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision by (deleted user) · 2019-12-08T04:03:37Z (almost 5 years ago)
Besides my comment above about referencing the wrong item, in a more general sense, you can make a metaphor clearer by working backwards from your end result.

If your end is "silence is golden," which is the important idea you want to reference, consider what part of a person makes sound. It's not really the _lips_, but the _mouth_. (I wouldn't use "golden voice" because that already means "having a beautiful voice.") Possibly you could use "tongue," which also means _language._

Pushing it further, why stay with "golden"? Maybe use _gilded_ or _gilt,_, and then you can pun on _guilt_ depending on why the "you" is silent.

So your lyric could be something like (you'll have to work out your own meter):

> a mouth of gilt
> 
> a mouth, gilt
> 
> your gilded mouth
> 
> your mouth full of gold
> 
> your tongue covered in gilt/guilt

#1: Imported from external source by user avatar System‭ · 2015-02-19T22:12:22Z (almost 10 years ago)
Original score: 1