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Using filler words like 'So', 'Anyway'

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I find myself using these words all the time.

Now (<-- there's one!), to be clear the context I'm using them is in conversational style writing, on social commentary, or in forum posts like these. It's not formal academic writing, and it's not story telling. (In a fictional story, these words would be perfectly appropriate if used by a character).

Here's an example where I've used it recently:

Point four, I think it is realistic that people would have this interpretation. So on this point I'll just stress that this blog post is not intended to be malicious or make anyone feel bad. It's more an interesting exploration of social interaction and how best react and navigate it.

My question is - is this actually an effective writing style, in the sense of being easy to read and persuasive, and if not, how do I get around it?

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In general (and in your question and example) it makes the text feel friendlier and more conversational.

In some contexts, a more conversational tone can make your ideas less persuasive. Whether it works depends on who is reading, and why they're reading.

The word "just" in your example has the effect of discounting the thing it modifies. The effect is mild in this case, but I felt it as I read it.

In your last paragraph, "actually" is unnecessary. For some reason I can't articulate, it feels hesitant and uncertain to me.

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Dialog in writing is not the same as dialog in writing between two people. Usually the dialog is shorter. However, it is possible that to convey a specific character's attitude "filler" words like "so" can and should be used. I am sure that there are other reasons.

However, I find myself using them much too often in dialog and go back and delete them. Even for a character that uses filler words, I use them much less than they would be used in real life. I try to have only one character in a dialog use such words.

We are writers, and words are our tools. Each word should have an importance in our writing or it can be removed. Just be sure that the fillers that you use add to the writing rather than distract from it. This is very subjective.

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I don't think soften is quite the right word for what these kinds of words do, nor is filler. I think of them as signal words. They indicate to the reader what direction the text is about to take. They are like the curve signs on the highway. The signs don't make the road curve. In this sense they don't add anything. But they alert the driver/reader that a curve is coming, which helps them avoid ending up in the ditch.

The most common example of a signal word that I can think of is "but". But and and actually mean exactly the same thing:

Tom went to school but Jane went home.

Means exactly the same thing as:

Tom went to school and Jane went home.

In terms of the information conveyed, these two sentences are identical. The use of but as the conjunction simply signals that there is going to be some significant difference between the phrases it joins. It does not create the difference and is not necessary for the reader to understand the difference, it simply prepares the reader for the possibility of the difference. Such words are part of the ergonomics rather than the semantics of language.

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