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I had a poetry teacher who talked about "tired language," referring to clichés like this. Take your original metaphor apart and break it down to the real, concrete, non-representative ideas. Are ...
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#4: Attribution notice removed
by
System
·
2019-12-13T12:00:30Z (about 5 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/18090 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#3: Attribution notice added
by
System
·
2019-12-08T04:25:55Z (about 5 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/18090 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision
I had a poetry teacher who talked about "tired language," referring to clichés like this. Take your original metaphor apart and break it down to the real, concrete, non-representative ideas. Are Eri and Mom so far apart that not one single thought is shared between them? Are they speaking as though they are watching two different TV shows, or experienced two different days at work? Are they looking at a house from in the sun and in the shade? Is the dress white and gold or blue and black? and so on. Once you get to the genuine thought, you can construct a new phrase or metaphor to express it.
#1: Imported from external source
by
System
·
2015-07-08T20:45:51Z (over 9 years ago)
Original score: 12