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Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/18216
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/18216
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

1) Break your habit of long sentences. They are mentally exhausting. Try reading your sentences out loud and see how often you have to stop to _take a breath,_ or if you can remember the beginning of the sentence by the end.

2) You have a _comma splice_ in your example.

> He blinked unconsciously, leaning forward intrigued by what was going to happen, and following John's example he waited **, the longer hand soon hit twelve.**

The bold phrase is a complete sentence and has to be either connected with a semi-colon or removed to stand on its own.

3) Commas are not for decoration. They separate thoughts. They are meaningful. In your example, putting the comma before or after _unconsciously_ changes which act is unconscious. Is the blinking unconscious or is the leaning forward unconscious?

4) "Leaning forward" has to be separated from "intrigued" no matter what else you do with the sentence.

**Overall, I suggest you spend some time studying grammar.** You may want to focus on the ancient art of diagramming sentences. This will teach you where the various marks of punctuation go and what they mean, and you won't be worrying about trying to prop up the broken structure of your sentences with a few helpless commas which aren't up to the task.

Original score: 1