Post History

Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/19499
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

I think the problem is less style itself than the fact that your readers are taking your writing style as indicative of a problematic attitude. Let's take the sentences you highlighted and the suggested improvements as a guide:

> Two linguists have read this work and left positive feedback.

Based on the suggested improvements, I'm guessing this reads as boastful and entitled. It may seem like a completely neutral statement, but it highlights only the acclaim you've gotten.

> After incorporating feedback from two linguists...

This suggested improvement instead makes it sound like you are willing and eager to learn from others.

> Based on some positive feedback from two linguists who have been kind enough to review my work...

This suggested improvement paints you as a person who is grateful for the consideration others show to you, and respectful of those with advanced professional accomplishments.

* * *

> I plan to complete this work and publish it in a linguistics journal before going to grad school.

It's very difficult to get published in a reputable academic journal, and rare for anyone pre-grad-school to get such an honor. Many may plan such an accomplishment, but few will achieve it. Your confidence here sounds callow and naive.

> I hope to have this paper published.

This revision highlights your understanding of the difficulty of the task.

> I will continue my research and plan to pursue publication.

This does the same thing, but I think it is better, because it highlights the hard work you will do to accomplish your goal.

* * *

In summary, your readers on reddit want you to not merely showcase your achievements, but also to paint a picture of yourself as humble, hard-working, grateful and realistic --as well as confident.

Original score: 4