seeking a humorous example of long winded paragraph one sentence long

I had an English professor who loved these just the other semester. She ruined my writing style with her love of long sentences.

Edited into a slight run-on from what it was.

"The culmination of the progressionist speech for which I labored was often criticism, bored expressions, and, sometimes, outright rejection; thus, after unsuccessful revisions and heartfelt considerations, I came to a conclusion: no radical idea, however expertly or clumsily delivered and written, will be unanimously accepted; instead, radical ideas will often encounter criticism without constructive comment, but this fact does not negate our responsibility to write them and take a stand."

It's not humorous, though. And notice that I say "slight." Slight because of the monster with which I am about to hammer you. Herman Melville has some egregious ones. This one I find humorous solely in its length.

"Though in many natural objects, whiteness refiningly enhances beauty, as if imparting some special virtue of its own, as in marbles, japonicas, and pearls; and though various nations have in some way recognised a certain royal preeminence in this hue; even the barbaric, grand old kings of Pegu placing the title ‘Lord of the White Elephants’ above all their other magniloquent ascriptions of dominion; and the modern kings of Siam unfurling the same snow-white quadruped in the royal standard; and the Hanoverian flag bearing the one figure of a snow-white charger; and the great Austrian Empire, Caesarian, heir to overlording Rome, having for the imperial colour the same imperial hue; and though this pre-eminence in it applies to the human race itself, giving the white man ideal mastership over every dusky tribe; and though, besides, all this, whiteness has been even made significant of gladness, for among the Romans a white stone marked a joyful day; and though in other mortal sympathies and symbolizings this same hue is made the emblem of many touching, noble things—the innocence of brides, the benignity of age; though among the Red Men of America the giving of the white belt of wampum was the deepest pledge of honour; though in many climes, whiteness typifies the majesty of Justice in the ermine of the Judge, and contributes to the daily state of kings and queens drawn by milk-white steeds; though even in the higher mysteries of the most august religions it has been made the symbol of the divine spotlessness and power; by the Persian fire worshippers, the white forked flame being held the holiest on the altar; and in the Greek mythologies, Great Jove himself being made incarnate in a snow-white bull; and though to the noble Iroquois, the midwinter sacrifice of the sacred White Dog was by far the holiest festival of their theology, that spotless, faithful creature being held the purest envoy they could send to the Great Spirit with the annual tidings of their own fidelity; and though directly from the Latin word for white, all Christian priests derive the name of one part of their sacred vesture, the alb or tunic, worn beneath the cassock; and though among the holy pomps of the Romish faith, white is specially employed in the celebration of the Passion of our Lord; though in the Vision of St. John, white robes are given to the redeemed, and the four-and-twenty elders stand clothed in white before the great-white throne, and the Holy One that sitteth there white like wool; yet for all these accumulated associations, with whatever is sweet, and honourable, and sublime, there yet lurks an elusive something in the innermost idea of this hue, which strikes more of panic to the soul than that redness which affrights in blood."

Thank you, Moby Dick. (Compensating for something, Melville?) Not to mention the… odd commentary on race throughout that passage.

posted over 8 years ago

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Midwinter Sun‭

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It's not humorous, but look into Immanuel Kant's Grounding for the Metaphysics of Morals. I distinctly remember, in at least one English edit I read for college ethics, a single sentence which went on for a page and a half. Even without that, sentences within paragraphs easily exceed your 5-6 line requirement throughout much of the work. Kant's writing style is so convoluted that German students of ethics commonly read Kant's work in English instead of the original German, because the English translation is easier to comprehend.

posted over 8 years ago

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KeithS‭

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Gabriel Garcia Marquez's Autumn of the Patriarch. I distinctly remember that when we were assigned it as summer reading between 11th and 12th grade, I got to page 40 and counted six periods — that is, six sentences covered 40 pages. I threw the book across the room and told the teacher I refused to read it.

(She told me I was the only one in a class of 30 who had even tried.)

posted over 8 years ago

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Lauren Ipsum‭

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Humorous single paragraph sentence? The original Winnie the Pooh provides such a thing here. I'm sure there are plenty of other examples as well, but this is the only one that presented itself to me.

posted over 8 years ago

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Thomas Myron‭

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