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The only issue I have with it is that it sounds bookish — it's a narrative device. So if your character is telling this story to the reader, even if it's in the present, you'd be okay. You can part...
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#4: Attribution notice removed
by
System
·
2019-12-13T12:00:31Z (over 4 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/19599 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#3: Attribution notice added
by
System
·
2019-12-08T04:45:40Z (over 4 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/19599 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision
The only issue I have with it is that it sounds bookish — it's a narrative device. So if your character is _telling_ this story to the reader, even if it's in the present, you'd be okay. You can particularly get away with more when it's a first-person present-tense POV, because the narration is "spoken" in the character's voice, and you have more flexibility. > I stare at John, the fall of light on his hair, wonder if it would be okay if I approached him. I spend the next few hours pondering about it, until Molly finds me at the café still staring at the table where he'd been sitting. But if it's a third-person present-tense POV, I wouldn't use it. It would throw me out of the story. > He stares at John and the fall of light on his hair, wondering if it would be okay if he approached him. He spends the next few hours pondering about it, until Molly finds him at the café still staring at the table where John had been sitting.
#1: Imported from external source
by
System
·
2015-11-04T18:46:31Z (over 8 years ago)
Original score: 2