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Q&A Handling a small detail the POV character would not notice

The trick here is to bend the rules without breaking them. Including something that the PoV character doesn't know about is technically 'breaking the rules.' But when writing, you have to remember ...

posted 9y ago by Thomas Myron‭  ·  last activity 5y ago by System‭

Answer
#4: Attribution notice removed by user avatar System‭ · 2019-12-12T17:48:59Z (about 5 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/20086
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#3: Attribution notice added by user avatar System‭ · 2019-12-08T04:51:39Z (about 5 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/20086
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision by (deleted user) · 2019-12-08T04:51:39Z (about 5 years ago)
The trick here is to **bend the rules without breaking them**. Including something that the PoV character doesn't know about is technically 'breaking the rules.' But when writing, you have to remember that reader experience trumps all. As long as it doesn't jar the flow, you can get away with something small.

For this example, I would simply say what Boy says, and then just say Girl didn't hear it. You could argue that you switched PoV for one line, but if you switch straight back to the girl, and if you remain outside of the boy (that is, don't go into his thoughts or anything), you'll be fine.

> Girl dashed off. Boy said to nobody in particular, half astounded and half amused, "Uh, yeah. I would love to." But Girl, running towards her car, was too far away to hear.

To me at least, that doesn't jar the flow of writing in the least.

EDIT: I should add that this is written assuming your tale is in the third person. If you are writing in the first person, things like this are a lot more jarring to the reader, simply because you are so immersed in the first person character, and therefore notice it faster when PoV switches.

#1: Imported from external source by user avatar System‭ · 2015-12-14T23:33:28Z (about 9 years ago)
Original score: 10