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Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/45970
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/45970
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

The essence of a good father-son relationship is sacrifice by the father on behalf of his son, it must be a truly altruistic sacrifice, with no reward expected.

The essence of a bad father-son relationship is the opposite; the father is selfish and demands (or forces) sacrifice from his son to meet his own selfish wants and needs; so he will force his choice of everything on his son: Controlling his life, his leisure and interests, his friends, his romances, his job choices, everything. Often to make his son a clone of himself, or something that reflects on him: My son WILL be a doctor, or a lawyer, or a CEO, like it or not. Or WILL be a criminal and member of my criminal enterprise. This is the way some sons grow to hate their father and everything about him.

To forge a good father-son bond with a stranger, you need to emulate this. We'll call the father figure 'father\*'. The father\* needs to do something altruistic for the son, preferably repeatedly. The son needs to feel gratitude for that; and this will be easier if the son's **real** father was of the selfish, self-centered type, and the son really doesn't like his real father.

The altruistic act doesn't have to be momentous, but obviously should **start** the relationship. For example, the father\* may pick up the son hitching on the road.

> Son: "How far you headed?"
> 
> Father\*: "As far as Stinson, have to pick something up."
> 
> Son: "Alright, Stinson's thirty miles closer than I am now." He throws his backpack into the bed of the truck, and climbs in the passenger seat.
> 
> Father\* gets back on the road. "Where are you headed?"
> 
> "Albertville, but twenty miles at a time, if that's what it takes."
> 
> Father\* nods. Conversations. They stop in Stinson. Kid's name is Mark. Father\* is Walter.
> 
> Mark: "End of the line. Well, thanks Walter, that's a help."
> 
> Walter: "If you want to hang loose for twenty, I'll take you on to Albertville."
> 
> Mark: "Really?"
> 
> Walter: "Yeah, really. Get in, We'll go get my parts. Anyplace good to eat in Albertville?"

Think of it like the road trip that starts "When Harry met Sally". In that case a time for future-lovers to get to know each other, but it starts a lifelong friendship. But in this case, Walter is doing the kid a favor. In their conversations it is important to see _conflict_ between them, but like Harry and Sally, it is friendly philosophical disagreement. Don't make Walter an infallible fount of wisdom; make both Walter and Mark learn something. Mutual benefit is the foundation of friendship (you like each other's humor, and share likes and dislikes and some general philosophy, but are still different, not boringly exactly the same), and you need to make strangers _friends_ before they can love each other; which is what you want for a good father-son relationship.

What leads to LOVE is shared emotional events, and for a parent-child relationship, more selfless acts on the part of the parent. Walter needs to feel invested in Mark's success. One way to do that is to make Walter a part of Mark's success, as an older male he has more contacts and more influence and more knowledge about how the world works, which is going to waste until Mark comes along; but can be freely given by Walter and benefit Mark enormously.

That is all in the metaphor of the ride to Albertville: Walter gives up his time and pays for the gas, and maybe lunch on top of that in some joint they both like (give them something in common) and doesn't demand anything from Mark in return, he enjoys his company. But of course he _gets_ something from Mark in return, some gratitude for the gift. Turns out, Mark's stay in Albertville is temporary, and this is the beginning of a relationship. But don't make Mark a parasitic kid, either, he needs to be a competent person on his own. The type of son a father would be proud of.

Original score: 2