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Q&A Finding before/after examples where writing has been improved, to learn from

Orson Scott Card gives a great example of 4 drafts for the opening of Ender's Shadow, explaining as he goes why each draft isn't what he wants. Sounds like exactly what you're looking for - you can...

posted 14y ago by Standback‭  ·  last activity 5y ago by System‭

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#4: Attribution notice removed by user avatar System‭ · 2019-12-12T20:05:54Z (almost 5 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/1557
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#3: Attribution notice added by user avatar System‭ · 2019-12-08T01:11:07Z (almost 5 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/1557
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision by (deleted user) · 2019-12-08T01:11:07Z (almost 5 years ago)
Orson Scott Card gives a great example of 4 drafts for the opening of _Ender's Shadow_, explaining as he goes why each draft isn't what he wants. Sounds like exactly what you're looking for - you can [read it here.](http://hatrack.com/writingclass/lessons/1998-10-29.shtml)

Another excellent resource is Janet Reid's [Query Shark](http://queryshark.blogspot.com/). It's a huge trove of critiqued revisions - not of fiction, but of queries to an agent, describing the book. That might not be exactly what you're looking for, but she gives advice and individual critiques on revising sales pitches - which include a fair share of flavor text - for hundreds of queries. If it's revision you'd like to learn, that would be an excellent place to start.

#1: Imported from external source by user avatar System‭ · 2011-02-10T18:46:05Z (almost 14 years ago)
Original score: 3