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There's no one right answer, but generally I'd say it's too much when it slows down your narrative and you don't want it to. For example: John looked through the two windows to see Sherlock s...
Answer
#4: Attribution notice removed
by
System
·
2019-12-13T12:00:38Z (almost 5 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/24226 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#3: Attribution notice added
by
System
·
2019-12-08T05:30:34Z (almost 5 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/24226 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision
There's no one right answer, but generally I'd say it's too much when it slows down your narrative and you don't want it to. For example: > John looked through the two windows to see Sherlock standing beside the cabbie. He lifted a long pale hand to his mouth. The cabbie did the same. The pills! Sherlock was about to take one of the suicide pills! John lifted his Browning and took aim. His hand hadn't been so steady since before Kandahar. versus: > John looked through the two weathered windows of the deserted college buildings to see Sherlock, tall, cool, and forbidding, standing beside the dishevelled cabbie. The man wore a crooked, anticipatory grin. The detective regarded him with a look of slight disdain. He lifted a long pale hand to his mouth. The cabbie's grin grew wider, and he did the same. John could see something small and white between Sherlock's fingers. He was taking a pill. The doctor inhaled sharply — even though they knew that the murderer had been convincing people to take the pills, it was something else again to watch it happen. John drew his Browning from his back holster and aimed at the seated man. His hand, he registered dimly, was not trembling. The second one has more detail, but the first one has much more punch.
#1: Imported from external source
by
System
·
2016-08-19T17:30:06Z (over 8 years ago)
Original score: 1