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This is much easier to accept if it's a first-person narrative, because the book is written in your character's voice. Speech/monologue/dialogue is much more forgiving than prose narration. Since t...
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#4: Attribution notice removed
by
System
·
2019-12-13T12:00:38Z (over 4 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/24283 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#3: Attribution notice added
by
System
·
2019-12-08T05:31:21Z (over 4 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/24283 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision
This is much easier to accept if it's a first-person narrative, because the book is written in your character's voice. Speech/monologue/dialogue is much more forgiving than prose narration. Since these snippets are clearly your narrator "speaking" to the reader, you have a lot of poetic license to be flexible with grammar. It sounds fine. If anything, I'd use commas rather than semi-colons in _those_ particular snippets because the individual clauses don't have commas themselves. You can get away with a string of fragments separated by commas here. If any clause had commas in it, then the semi-colons would be useful in separating them.
#1: Imported from external source
by
System
·
2016-08-23T10:58:30Z (over 7 years ago)
Original score: 1