Dialogue and action question
I am currently working on a novel. currently two girls are the only active characters. I am curious if I need to separate the dialogue and action when one character is acting and another is acting but not speaking. For example:
Evie tousled her sister’s hair as she said, “You’re a mess. Did you remember to put on some shorts with that dress?” Maddy pulled up her dress and showed that she did. “Good. Grab your bike, let’s go.”
I don't feel this is confusing and I feel that it adds unnecessary spacing. if I am missing some rule or stylization please let me know. Thanks.
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1 answer
You need to think about where the reader's attention is supposed to be. You are painting a picture with words, asking the reader to build a picture in their head based solely on the words on the page. If your text hops about all over the place that gets to be much more difficult to do.
If you want them to focus on the substance of a conversation, you probably want to avoid interpolating much if any action because it will distract both from the momentum and the substance of the conversation.
If you want them to focus on action -- to follow the action sequence and its consequences based solely on your words -- you probably do not want to be interpolating any significant dialogue into that.
However, speech is sometimes incidental to action. In the passage from To Kill a Mockingbird that Daniel Cann cites, Jem's "I'll take it" is part of the action. It is not a piece of significant dialog that reveals character of advances the plot. It is just the sort of thing that people say when they are doing something. It is part of the action.
The reverse can also be true. An action can be incidental to a conversation. A person can respond to a question with an action rather than words, as Maddy does in your example. Essentially this is conversation by a kind of ad hoc sign language. The action is part of the conversation.
Personally, I would tend to put "Maddy pulled up her dress and showed that she did." on a separate line to visually emphasize that this is her response in the conversation. I think this would make it read more like a response to the question rather than a bit of distracting background action.
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