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Q&A Critique: Intro/Prologue to my Novel-in-Progress

I'm just rewriting. :) A bit of trimming, a bit of adding: "You understand — it's nothing personal." It wasn't quite a question. When Robert Jansen didn't quite provide an answer, the man turned a...

posted 14y ago by Lauren Ipsum‭  ·  last activity 5y ago by System‭

Answer
#4: Attribution notice removed by user avatar System‭ · 2019-12-13T11:59:55Z (almost 5 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/1594
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#3: Attribution notice added by user avatar System‭ · 2019-12-08T01:13:47Z (almost 5 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/1594
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision by (deleted user) · 2019-12-08T01:13:47Z (almost 5 years ago)
_I'm just rewriting. :) A bit of trimming, a bit of adding:_

"You understand — it's nothing personal." It wasn't quite a question. When Robert Jansen didn't quite provide an answer, the man turned and left.

Jansen lowered his gaze to the Beretta on the desk. After a long moment, he sighed, picked it up, and left the study, locking the door behind him. His too-expensive sports car waited for him in the driveway of his over-leveraged house. It was funny, he thought, how those things had meant so much at the time. Had it only been a year? Twelve painful, exhausting, bewildering months since his daughter had disappeared? Now all he wanted was to get the hell out of here while he still retained an ounce of his sanity.

Across the street, his wife Vanessa watched through the bedroom window as he left. She tried not to let her exasperation show, but her lover's warm arms wrapped around her, and she knew he had read the emotion in the tense lines of her body. "It's going to be okay," he whispered. She wished she could believe him.

#1: Imported from external source by user avatar System‭ · 2011-02-13T20:42:16Z (almost 14 years ago)
Original score: 10