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The word choices you make have to work for your story. An alliteration is a tool, like a rhyme, and if you use it without a purpose, it will sound strange and unnatural, if not jarring. Why do you...
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#3: Attribution notice added
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/26130 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision
The word choices you make have to work for your story. An alliteration is a tool, like a rhyme, and if you use it without a purpose, it will sound strange and unnatural, if not jarring. Why do you use them? To show off your eloquence? To set the tone of your prose? To illustrate personal quirks of a character (not the case in the excerpt given, just in general)? How does it help your storytelling? P. S. I am reasonably sure, though, that a certain number of your readers might not even notice it. :-) For me _"sipping a beer can in her couch"_ hints at a slightly bigger problem.