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Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/26131
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/26131
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

I definitely noticed the alliterations. They stood out, and were frankly jarring. If you were writing poetry, or prose which is echoing poetry, I'd tell you to go for it, but if your point is to tell a story, then using poetic tools may get in the way.

Part of the joy of poetry is the sound of the words and how they play against each other visually and aurally. One of my favorite examples of this is from Pope's _Essay on Criticism_:

> These Equal Syllables alone require,  
> Tho' oft the Ear the open Vowels tire,  
> While Expletives their feeble Aid do join,  
> And ten low Words oft creep in one dull Line.

Lines 1, 2, and 4 are actually demonstrating the effects he's describing. The last line _is_ dull and plodding because all the syllables and stresses are the same.

If you do this in prose, it can impede the storytelling. The dual meaning of _frosty_ is great; you can do plenty of that. But when you tack on more Fs, now I'm looking at all the Fs and not paying attention to the _meaning_ of the words.

I won't say it would always be in the way — if you were writing something whimsical and funny, where the prose is deliberately silly, you could probably get away with it. But that's because the tone of the entire book would be playful, allowing the reader the freedom to consider the sounds of the words along with the meaning.

In a regular book, though? No, not superior. Showing off.

Original score: 5