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Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/26681
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

Are rhymes bad in prose? Sometimes yes, it depends on the prose and the rhyme and how it's used.

Poetic devices like rhyming and alliteration _can_ be used in prose but it's not at all easy to do well. The rhymes here, "together" and "forever" are noticeable, and I think they do the piece a disservice. I'd simply remove the last two words.

I disagree with [Mark's answer](https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/26670/26): Rhyme exists whether or not there's rhythm. It's just not nearly as noticeable in prose, and readers are seeing it out of context. (It's also worth noting that poetry doesn't have to rhyme.)

You've written a potentially powerful paragraph, but then end it with "We will be together. / Wholly. Forever." All of a sudden we're getting into something that reads to me like something you'd put on a greeting card or that a high school kid would write in an awkward love poem.

I'd just stick with words that move the story forward. The imagery here is powerful, there's no need to bookmark it with a rhyme.

Original score: 5