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Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/q/26956
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

> While inside the weatherbeaten maternity hut lit by a single candle, out of the dark shadow of its mother's womb, the most unusual child ever seen in the village was delivered; and while the child immediately crumbled to nothing but bones and the midwife meticulously assembled it again: the skull with a bottomless pit for the eyes and a nose made of shadows fitted above the spine which curved into the pelvis and into which the legs and feet were plugged, the ribs meticulously fixed to the vertebra and hands plugged into the scapula jutting out of the ribcage; clouds in the vague shape of flowers were covering the sky, glowing pink and filling the breeze with such unnatural fragrance that the villagers all gathered outside of their houses and gazed up at the sky.

Needless to say, I've been reading a lot of stories written in the style of stream-of-consciousness these days. So when I got to actually writing a little story for the college magazine, the best I could do was come up with this spaghetti sentence. Now, I don't want to lose the detail and the setting, and I also don't want to lose this sense of things happening in parallel, but at the same time ... This thing is huge! I myself get confused and lost when I try to read it.

The problem is further amplified because I am not a native speaker and I don't know if the nuance is carried over to the reader.

So, I would like to know if there is any way I can simplify this sentence without losing the style and the image that it paints.

Thank you for any suggestion, comment or help that you give.

Original score: 1