Post History
It's a complex sentence, with a complex structure and many adjectives. I, for one, love a well-constructed long sentence, so I won't suggest breaking it up. Try doing what the midwife does: recons...
Answer
#3: Attribution notice added
by
System
·
2019-12-08T06:10:57Z (almost 5 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/26957 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision
by
Ken Mohnkern
·
2019-12-08T06:10:57Z (almost 5 years ago)
It's a complex sentence, with a complex structure and many adjectives. I, for one, love a well-constructed long sentence, so I won't suggest breaking it up. Try doing what the midwife does: reconstruct it from its parts. Start with the basics: subject, verb, and object. Keep those clear as you fill in the details. Looks like you have three parts, separated by semicolons. Focus on making each of those clear. I had trouble understanding the start of the sentence, down to "conceived." (You might want to say "delivered" instead. Conception is something else.) And, honestly, around "the ribs" I felt like skipping ahead to the third part of the sentence. Maybe shorten the middle?
#1: Imported from external source
by
System
·
2017-02-28T13:58:54Z (over 7 years ago)
Original score: 1