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How best can I re-write this paragraph to make it more family friendly? There had been a time, barely a month or two ago, when he had sat his face to the storm and grinned with glee as the wind an...
#3: Attribution notice added
by
System
·
2019-12-08T06:25:23Z (almost 5 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/q/27875 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision
by
paul robison
·
2019-12-08T06:25:23Z (almost 5 years ago)
How best can I re-write this paragraph to make it more family friendly? There had been a time, barely a month or two ago, when he had sat his face to the storm and grinned with glee as the wind and sea-spray hurled themselves against his weather-beaten countenance. Yet now the warm, jasmine-scented breeze that barely wafted into the room through the open windows felt to him like a swarm of bees repeatedly stinging him. Though the doctor lifting the bandages from his face was doing his best to work with the most consummate delicacy, each additional inch of exposure only worsened his discomfiture. And with every infliction came a new, unwanted memory of his previous battles.
#1: Imported from external source
by
System
·
2017-05-03T01:51:42Z (over 7 years ago)
Original score: -1