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You have adopted a complicated, "elite" format, with a surprising "twist" ending to the scene. I'm not sure that you were successful, but you made your point. You had two interlocking themes, the ...
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#3: Attribution notice added
by
System
·
2019-12-08T06:31:03Z (over 4 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/28341 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision
by
Tom Au
·
2019-12-08T06:31:03Z (over 4 years ago)
You have adopted a complicated, "elite" format, with a surprising "twist" ending to the scene. I'm not sure that you were successful, but you made your point. You had two interlocking themes, the mundane, (that is the pastor's homily), and the "real" one. There's your distinction between the elite and the least common denominator. The mundane stuff keeps the attention of the average person, while the surprise event captures your intended audience. It'sh hard to execute well, but if you can, you can appeal to both audiences. For instance, I'm not sure how to work the prison angle into your story. Apparently there are some writers that specialize in these surprise twists. They are hard to execute but can be very interesting when successful You might want to identify and copy these authors. I have the feeling that you are onto something, but haven't yet arrived. Your scene reminds me of one or two in Tom Wolfe's "Bonfire of the Vanities." You might want to consult that book.
#1: Imported from external source
by
System
·
2017-05-29T17:01:45Z (almost 7 years ago)
Original score: 1