Post History
As the other answers have noted, you can rewrite the sentences to remove the need for "then" (or possibly just omit it without any rewriting at all). However, there are also a few synonyms you can ...
Answer
#4: Attribution notice removed
by
System
·
2019-12-12T21:42:31Z (over 4 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/28748 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#3: Attribution notice added
by
System
·
2019-12-08T06:38:58Z (over 4 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/28748 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision
As the other answers have noted, you can rewrite the sentences to remove the need for "then" (or possibly just omit it without any rewriting at all). However, there are also a few synonyms you can use, allowing you to keep the sense of narrative flow you're after without the frequent repetition of "then". > As soon as she found my letter---or rather, _Kiyoshi's_---she widened her slitted eyes and pressed the letter against her chest. **A moment later** , as though she were handling a delicate glass sculpture, she opened the envelope. * * * > Mr. HSC squinted his slanted eyes at me **before setting down his chef hat on the counter.** “Look, my shift’s over," he said. "How ‘bout we go to the izakaya around the corner? * * * > I answered her smile with my own. **As I received her apple** , I asked her, "So, what now?"
#1: Imported from external source
by
System
·
2017-06-16T11:25:27Z (almost 7 years ago)
Original score: 1