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I'm sorry but I don't think your example works. You're in first-person but you're not in the moment. You're switching between an internal and external view of the scene which makes it disjointed W...
Answer
#3: Attribution notice added
by
System
·
2019-12-08T06:43:30Z (almost 5 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/29084 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision
by
Surtsey
·
2019-12-08T06:43:30Z (almost 5 years ago)
I'm sorry but I don't think your example works. You're in first-person but you're not in the moment. You're switching between an internal and external view of the scene which makes it disjointed What do you really think about whilst running for a bus or a train? What are you 'aware' of? Where is your focus? From the moment you start running your **panicked** thoughts are more likely the need to catch the train and the dire consequences of missing it. On successfully catching the train you briefly **feel** joy. Once you've caught your breath you express your **feelings** of anger at the schedule. Interleaving is a natural part of storytelling. I use the programming instruction (do,while). Whilst running for the train I thought A On catching the train and locating my seat I thought B Whilst sitting in my seat catching my breath I reflected C
#1: Imported from external source
by
System
·
2017-07-06T10:14:25Z (over 7 years ago)
Original score: 0