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I agree with Mark. I also don't care for your example. I don't have the full context, but it seems to me "wicked" is too strong a modifier for "mocking", which I tend to think of as harmless ribbin...
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#4: Attribution notice removed
by
System
·
2019-12-19T22:13:07Z (about 5 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/29621 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#3: Attribution notice added
by
System
·
2019-12-08T06:51:15Z (about 5 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/29621 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision
I agree with Mark. I also don't care for your example. I don't have the full context, but it seems to me "wicked" is too strong a modifier for "mocking", which I tend to think of as harmless ribbing. But I grew up in an unforgiving neighborhood, so perhaps I am more callous than most. If consonance in general appeals to you, I'd suggest it could be a character trait for one of your actors; sometimes funny, sometimes awkward: That's who she is, it could give her a distinct "voice". You can point it out by sometimes having other characters make fun of her for her more strained efforts at consonance.
#1: Imported from external source
by
System
·
2017-08-08T17:16:12Z (over 7 years ago)
Original score: 3