How to introduce a nameless, mysterious character in limited third person?
So the novel I'm writing is in (multiple) close third person perspective, or limited, as the whole action is seen through the eyes and thoughts of a given character. The issue I'm having is that it all starts with a prologue, in which the character must remain totally unknown to the reader (until later on in the book).
The reason why it must remain totally unknown is because he plays a vital role in the plot, and his identity should only be revealed as a major surprise, kind of a plot twist in the story. So in the prologue we have this mysterious character, where any information such as name (doh!) or title or role could give away his identity.
The scene starts with the character looking at distance from a balcony, soon after the sunset. In the first paragraph, the reader sees the distance through the character's eyes and interpretation, so it starts with a description. Then, the character gets introduced (by the narrative voice) and the reader only now learns that the description was through this character's feelings. Here is my current transition:
"(...) and there was nothing but silence. He raised his head, trying to discover their way. The silence was much too unsettling to him." (please mind that the novel is in a different language, so translation is rather approximate, just to get the idea).
The character then changes impressions with a man sitting behind him. Through the course of the action, the reader learns that the unnamed, untitled character is a middle-aged male, a leader of some kind (rather an important figure among his folks), who keeps running from something. That is about all the reader should know.
The limited perspective of this character will only appear in the prologue, as the character will be dead for the rest of the book (prologue happens a couple of years before the actual plot begins to take place and its actions is what triggers the plot).
I have tried writing in first person, doesn't work. Can't remove the prologue either. Can't write in omniscient third view, it gets way too impersonal. By all means, it must remain in limited third view and the actions must be presented this way.
I have no idea however of how to avoid the over usage of "he", "him" and whether it's good and alright to introduce him as shown above in the transition. How can I introduce him other than "He raised his head, trying to..."? It seems a bit rough, abrupt this way.
I guess I just don't like the "He" as being the first reference to the guy, neither as being the only reference for the rest of the prologue.
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Could you use a pseudonym for the unnamed character, something he can go by that obscures his other details? Something like Strider/Aragorn from LoTR.
This post was sourced from https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/29803. It is licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0.
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I don't think you have a point of view problem, I think you have a storytelling problem. You are trying to introduce a character without introducing them, identify them without identifying them.
You are doing this because you are planning a surprise for the reader. Fine, you can certainly surprise the reader, though I think many writers grossly overestimate the reader's appetite for surprise. But you are trying to do it artificially by withholding from the reader information that they would have if they were naturally experiencing the events of the story for themselves.
This is artificial surprise, and it does not work. You are effectively making one of your characters walk around with a paper bag over their head just so you can whip it off at a critical juncture and yell "surprise!" Readers will stand for that in fiction just about as long as they would stand for it in real life.
If you are going to surprise the reader, it ought to be a natural surprise, that is, something that would surprise them if they were actually living the events of the story themselves.
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