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Q&A Please help me improve this sentence...

In a first-person narrative, I’d like to use the following sentence: It took me nearly a decade to write this script, and now I’d pitch it to the top producer in Hollywood. I’m not following ...

2 answers  ·  posted 13y ago by Cliff Hangerson Page‭  ·  last activity 5y ago by System‭

Question style first-person
#3: Attribution notice added by user avatar System‭ · 2019-12-08T01:21:10Z (almost 5 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/q/1962
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision by user avatar Cliff Hangerson Page‭ · 2019-12-08T01:21:10Z (almost 5 years ago)
In a first-person narrative, I’d like to use the following sentence:

> It took me nearly a decade to write this script, and now I’d pitch it to the top producer in Hollywood.

I’m not following strict grammar rules here (for starters, I should use “It had taken me”), but I’m going for a tone that is both informal and immediate.

- Assume this sentence appears in a novel written in first person (narrated like a memoir), so the speaker talks about something she expected to do at that specific point in time.

How could I improve this sentence with these goals in mind?

#1: Imported from external source by user avatar System‭ · 2011-03-12T16:35:13Z (over 13 years ago)
Original score: 4