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Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/30056
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/30056
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

You may have story problems, too. As Mark says (I have to say that a lot) she needs to want something, bad. You say she is "quite determined" but mousy: She can be usually mousy, but when it comes to taking a direction that does not lead to what she wants, she needs to show some **_steel._** Bravery. A willingness to go it alone. A willingness to defy others. A willingness to fight, to be injured, to risk her life, to intentionally choose horrific pain over safe failure.

Whatever her brass ring may be (and it should be uniquely hers, not something everybody wants), her pushover, shy, unsure exterior better have a lethal warrior underneath it, **_or_** (and this is a good story telling strategy) your story must gradually develop it. (e.g. Luke Skywalker is an unsure farm kid, but a series of harrowing and painful story events turn him into a consummate warrior.)

The arc of a shy and mousy girl can end with a confident and battle tested adult ready to take on the world. After your setup, when you introduce what she wants more than her own life, you need her to take the first steps on that path and **not by accident.** She needs to make a hard choice and choose some sort of hardship over the wrong direction. It can be minor, and it doesn't even have to hurt. The reader needs to see she has her own mind, and when it is important she will risk danger over "going along", even if the danger does not materialize and harm her. The reader needs to see the glint of steel in her soul, and be looking forward to more of it later in the story.

Original score: 22