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Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/1985
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

You are using adverbs and to tell us how the characters are acting and feeling. Instead consider showing us their body language. Help me hear them speak. Let me see for myself that Luna is nervous and Dr. Aide is worn out, jaded, or whatever it is that he is.

From a grammar perspective (although those questions are best asked on [English.SE](http://english.stackexchange.com)), a sentance in quotations that ends in a period and is before "he says" or "she says" or the like is usually ended with a comma, not a period.

I'm curious why everything is in the present instead of the past tense. I am much more used to reading "he said" and "she said." That doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with present tense in fiction, but you should [look into](http://www.google.com/search?q=present+versus+past+tense+in+fiction&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla%3aen-US%3aofficial&client=firefox-a) the effect it has.

Finally, don't overpunctuate within the dialogue. Consider leaving out ellipses, for example. Instead break it up with your character attributions ("he says") or through showing me the pauses by the action. The punctuation can become visual clutter.

I've made some minor changes, but not necessarily incorporated all of my suggestions, below.

> “Uhm, excuse me, are you Dr. Aide?” she asks. Her voice is soft and tentative.
> 
> “Yes,” he replies.
> 
> “My...my name is Luna, I a new nurse here. I will assist you from tomorrow,” she says.
> 
> “I see,” he replies, “Please take a seat.”
> 
> She sits in front of him feeling a bit awkward. He waves his bottle of vodka. “Do you wanna some?”
> 
> “OK," she says, "just a little.” He fills the glass halfway They drink in silence. The seconds fill like minutes. Luna breaks it. “Do you always stay so late Dr. Aide?.”
> 
> “Yes, I spend almost 24 hours in this place.”
> 
> “You must love your job.”
> 
> “Not really,” he says, then pauses. “Actually I’ve been thinking of quitting.”

Here you do not follow a question mark directly with a period. It stands on its own.

> “So what’s your definition of a mental illness?” he asks.
> 
> She thinks for a while and then replies, “someone who can’t adapt himself to society.”
> 
> He looks out of the window and says, “It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society. Jiddu Krishnamurti.”
> 
> “What does that mean?” she asks.
> 
> “What if a society is sick already by itself? Then we need another meaning. I think it is any behaviour that threatens humanity and the ecosystem in direct and indirect ways.” he replies.

Original score: 9