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Q&A How to improve this introductory paragraph (to fit writing standards and grab the reader's attention)?

A clock is striking 4:00am at a psychiatric clinic. The darkness, the silence, and absence of people makes it look like a morgue. A young mental health professional is sitting in a cha...

2 answers  ·  posted 13y ago by Alexandro Chen‭  ·  last activity 5y ago by System‭

Question fiction openings
#3: Attribution notice added by user avatar System‭ · 2019-12-08T01:21:34Z (almost 5 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/q/1989
License name: CC BY-SA 3.0
License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision by user avatar Alexandro Chen‭ · 2019-12-08T01:21:34Z (almost 5 years ago)
> A clock is striking 4:00am at a psychiatric clinic. The darkness, the silence, and absence of people makes it look like a morgue. A young mental health professional is sitting in a chair drinking a cheap vodka alone. He doesn’t resemble a person who is certified in treating mental disorders. He has dark straight hair that is long enough to give him a teenage look. The only qualification seems to be is his sharp and intellectual look in his eyes. He is sitting in the middle of the clinic's cafeteria. The moon is the only thing that illuminates his emotionless face.

#1: Imported from external source by user avatar System‭ · 2011-03-14T18:04:56Z (over 13 years ago)
Original score: 3