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Your writing style is stream-of-consciousness, which can be hard to digest. (On the internet this is labeled "tl;dr" for "too long; didn't read.") I strongly suggest breaking this into several para...
Answer
#4: Attribution notice removed
by
System
·
2019-12-13T11:59:56Z (over 4 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/2018 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#3: Attribution notice added
by
System
·
2019-12-08T01:21:58Z (over 4 years ago)
Source: https://writers.stackexchange.com/a/2018 License name: CC BY-SA 3.0 License URL: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/
#2: Initial revision
Your writing style is stream-of-consciousness, which can be hard to digest. (On the internet this is labeled "tl;dr" for "too long; didn't read.") I _strongly_ suggest breaking this into several paragraphs. Second, you start out with how despite your objection to her color, she became an emotional bright spot — but you don't get to that until the end, and then you quickly hurry past it. You spend most of the essay dwelling on the "before" part of your feelings. You should structure it roughly: - Intro: pets are great. mine wasn't, until she was. Cute baby cat to all-black cat whom I hated, and then loved. - Para 1: Silent by day, loud distressing cries at night - Para 2: How she felt and smelled - **Para 3: How my feelings changed and why [this is the part you're missing]** - Conclusion: Luz is gone and I miss her
#1: Imported from external source
by
System
·
2011-03-15T17:01:54Z (about 13 years ago)
Original score: 5